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The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, family connection, and meaningful traditions. But for separated or divorced parents, especially in high-conflict or long-distance situations the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s can also bring anxiety, missed parenting time, travel disputes, and emotional strain for both parents and children.
For business owners, professionals, and high-income families with demanding schedules, the holidays can present additional challenges: long-distance travel, complex family plans, blended family expectations, and inflexible work commitments. If your co-parent relationship is strained, the holidays can quickly become a source of conflict unless you plan ahead and set clear boundaries.
Regardless of whether you already have a court order in place or are operating under an informal arrangement, there are steps you can take now to reduce stress and help your children enjoy a more peaceful, memorable holiday season.
Jump to Section:
- Start Early: Holiday Planning Should Begin Before the Conflict Does
- Review Any Existing Parenting Plan or Court Order
- For High-Conflict Situations: Keep Communication Simple and Child-Focused
- Long-Distance Parenting: Set Expectations Early
- Support Your Children’s Relationships with Both Sides of the Family
- If Conflict is Likely: Establish Ground Rules for the Holiday Period
- When Last-Minute Holiday Issues Become Legal Issues
- Co-Parenting with Compassion: A Gift to Your Children
- For Professionals and Referral Partners: How You Can Support Families
- You Don’t Have to Navigate the Holidays Alone
- About the Author
Start Early: Holiday Planning Should Begin Before the Conflict Does
Many co-parents wait until December to talk about holiday schedules. By then, emotions are running high, travel is booked, and it may be too late to address disagreements constructively.
Starting discussions early often leads to better results, especially if:
- One parent lives out of state or far from the child’s school
- There is tension over holiday traditions or family expectations
- Travel costs or time off from work are a factor
- This is the first holiday since separation or divorce
Early planning allows room for negotiation, flexibility, and problem-solving that isn’t driven by last-minute urgency.
Review Any Existing Parenting Plan or Court Order
If a custody agreement or court order exists, it likely addresses holiday arrangements. Even if the language appears clear, parents sometimes interpret terms differently.
Pay close attention to:
- Holiday priority years (odd vs. even)
- Start and end times for parenting exchanges
- Travel logistics, such as airport responsibilities and communication
- School break vs. holiday definitions (they’re not always the same)
If your agreement is vague or silent on key holiday issues, use this season as a learning opportunity. Make a note of what worked and what didn’t so it can be addressed in a future modification or more detailed agreement.
For High-Conflict Situations: Keep Communication Simple and Child-Focused
When emotions are running high, the best approach is to keep communication brief, neutral, and focused on the children. Avoid revisiting past grievances or trying to resolve unrelated disputes during holiday conversations.
Helpful strategies include:
- Use short, factual messages rather than emotional or reactive texts
- Focus on confirming dates, times, and logistics
- Avoid “negotiating” through the children
- Put any agreements in writing, even if informal
If direct communication is difficult, consider using a co-parenting communication app that organizes schedules, tracks discussions, and reduces misunderstandings.
Long-Distance Parenting: Set Expectations Early
When parents live far apart, the holidays may be one of the few times a child can spend extended time with the other parent. To avoid unnecessary conflict, address these issues well in advance:
- Who pays for the child’s travel
- Travel dates and flexibility
- Virtual communication expectations when the child is away
- How gifts, holiday traditions, and religious celebrations will be handled
Children benefit greatly when they can enjoy the holidays with both sides of the family, even when travel is involved. Setting clear expectations can help ensure that time is meaningful rather than tense.
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Support Your Children’s Relationships with Both Sides of the Family
Holiday traditions are emotional for everyone. Parents often worry that their children will “miss out” if they aren’t with them for a particular celebration. But holidays can be meaningful even when celebrated on different days or with different family members.
Consider:
- Celebrating the same holiday twice
- Creating new traditions that reflect your current family structure
- Encouraging children to share photos, stories, or virtual calls with the other parent
Children thrive when they feel permission to enjoy time with both parents, without guilt, pressure, or divided loyalties.
If Conflict is Likely: Establish Ground Rules for the Holiday Period
Setting expectations ahead of time can prevent many problems. Consider agreeing on guidelines such as:
- Communication rules with the children during the other parent’s time
- Alcohol, travel, and safety expectations during holiday parenting time
- Introductions to new romantic partners during the holiday period
Agreeing to a few simple parameters can significantly reduce stress for everyone.
When Last-Minute Holiday Issues Become Legal Issues
Most holiday disagreements can be resolved through communication or negotiation. However, if a conflict affects a child’s well-being, safety, or access to a scheduled holiday, legal action may become necessary.
Examples may include:
- Repeated denial of parenting time
- A parent refusing to follow an existing order
- A planned out-of-state or international trip without consent
- Safety concerns involving substance use or an unsuitable environment
Courts tend to be extremely busy in November and December, and emergency requests are taken seriously but must truly involve urgent issues. Whenever possible, try to address concerns early to avoid last-minute legal intervention.
Co-Parenting with Compassion: A Gift to Your Children
While legal rights and schedules matter, the emotional experience of the holidays is what children will remember. Even in strained co-parenting situations, small decisions can make a big impact:
- Avoid negative comments about the other parent during the holiday
- Allow children to bring gifts or personal items between households
- Encourage your children to enjoy and embrace both sides of their family
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Children remember the feeling of the season, not the exact schedule.
For Professionals and Referral Partners: How You Can Support Families
Many parents turn to trusted advisors such as their CPAs, financial professionals, real estate agents, school counselors, therapists before they reach out to a family law attorney. You may be the first person to notice when a client or family is struggling during the season.
Ways professionals can support clients include:
- Encouraging early planning for holiday schedules
- Helping clients prepare documentation if modifications may be needed
- Identifying when emotional or legal guidance may be appropriate
A quick conversation or gentle suggestion can help a family avoid escalating conflict.
You Don’t Have to Navigate the Holidays Alone
The holidays can be complicated enough without the added layer of parenting stress. Whether you need help interpreting your agreement, communicating with your co-parent, or addressing a serious concern, experienced guidance can bring clarity and peace of mind.
If questions come up as the season approaches, we are here to help you and your family find a path that protects your children and supports a calmer, more joyful holiday experience.
Call us today at 443.940.2000, email us at harry@bahalaw.com or schedule a confidential consultation online. Let’s find the best way to move forward.
Serving families throughout Maryland in divorce, custody, and family law matters.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. It is always recommended to consult with a qualified attorney for personalized guidance and representation in legal matters.
About the Author
Harry A. Baumohl, Esq. brings over four decades of Maryland family law expertise to every consultation, with a unique philosophy centered on understanding each client's complete picture—what he calls "knowing what's in the envelope.” His practice focuses on complex family situations including high-asset divorces, intricate custody disputes, and sophisticated financial scenarios. Whether representing spouses in traditional marriages or same-sex couples, Harry's approach remains consistent: thoughtful, strategic guidance tailored to each family's specific needs and circumstances.
Harry's areas of concentration include:
- Complex divorce litigation and high net worth asset division
- High-conflict parenting disputes and custody arrangements
- Prenuptial agreements and family planning strategies
- Mediation and collaborative family law approaches
- Untangling complicated financial and business interests in divorce
What sets Harry apart is his commitment to matching clients with the right approach and the right attorney—even when that attorney isn't him. His decades of experience have taught him that successful outcomes depend on proper fit, timing, and strategy. He takes pride in his ability to assess what each situation truly requires and provide honest guidance about the best path forward. Known for his calm, experienced approach during clients' most difficult transitions, Harry combines passionate advocacy with strategic thinking, always keeping his clients' long-term interests at the center of every decision.
For a confidential consultation about your family law matter, contact Harry at harry@bahalaw.com or visit www.bahalaw.com.
